Saturday, April 28, 2012
20. Drink a rootbeer orange float.
Yesterday, I bought myself an orange float out of necessity. I’d think it was a bit melodramatic of me to say yesterday was “the worst day ever” mostly because I’m on this emotional roller coaster ride a lot, but damn, yesterday sucked. It’s a lot of things: the city, the newness, my missing of my friends and family, desire for perfection, longing for things to work out quicker, the pressure to change me, learning to say fuck you to people telling me to compromise, reminding myself to believe in me, ignoring those shaking my core, and other inner demons coming out to taunt me.
I wanted so bad for this orange float to save the day, to be able to say that enjoying this orange float made me forget about all of this & how it made me remember all the great things in my life right now. But as I sat at my corner diner by myself sipping my orange float, it was like everything came crashing down on me. The reality of life, my life, just came up and I was forced to confront so many feelings all at once. The end result was a quietly sobbing Denise, blubbering for the check while choking down some orange cream soda.
In hindsight, it’s kind of funny to think about how ridiculous I looked, and also how uncomfortable I made my server feel with my watery eyes and snot running out of my nose. And no, that orange soda float didn’t save the day, or as I might have hoped: figure out my life for me, but it did remind me that at the end of the day, there’s only me. I’m allowed to feel sad and wallow in my own self pity, but I’m also the one responsible for picking up the pieces. I can’t depend on anyone else or any thing to figure it out. It’s gotta be me.
So, thank you, orange soda float, for giving me a reason to be dramatic and cry in public and then forcing me to deal with my sniffling self.

20. Drink a rootbeer orange float.

Yesterday, I bought myself an orange float out of necessity. I’d think it was a bit melodramatic of me to say yesterday was “the worst day ever” mostly because I’m on this emotional roller coaster ride a lot, but damn, yesterday sucked. It’s a lot of things: the city, the newness, my missing of my friends and family, desire for perfection, longing for things to work out quicker, the pressure to change me, learning to say fuck you to people telling me to compromise, reminding myself to believe in me, ignoring those shaking my core, and other inner demons coming out to taunt me.

I wanted so bad for this orange float to save the day, to be able to say that enjoying this orange float made me forget about all of this & how it made me remember all the great things in my life right now. But as I sat at my corner diner by myself sipping my orange float, it was like everything came crashing down on me. The reality of life, my life, just came up and I was forced to confront so many feelings all at once. The end result was a quietly sobbing Denise, blubbering for the check while choking down some orange cream soda.

In hindsight, it’s kind of funny to think about how ridiculous I looked, and also how uncomfortable I made my server feel with my watery eyes and snot running out of my nose. And no, that orange soda float didn’t save the day, or as I might have hoped: figure out my life for me, but it did remind me that at the end of the day, there’s only me. I’m allowed to feel sad and wallow in my own self pity, but I’m also the one responsible for picking up the pieces. I can’t depend on anyone else or any thing to figure it out. It’s gotta be me.

So, thank you, orange soda float, for giving me a reason to be dramatic and cry in public and then forcing me to deal with my sniffling self.

12. Walk around all day in your favorite pair of shoes.
My dad has this thing about buying my brother and I running shoes. Even if we don’t really need them, he is always so insistent on getting them anyway. I remember one time when I was still at Berkeley and he asked me what kind of shoes I wanted him to bring back when he visited. Being the crazy and obnoxious girl that I was/am, I told him to get me the loudest, most colorful pair of nike dunks he could find. I was so excited when he arrived, hoping to see some Hong Kong exclusive crazy looking dunks— only to find white plain adidas with silver stripes. Basically, the opposite of coolness.
But what I later learned was that my dad went all the way to Hong Kong, from Shanghai, and walked for hours down “tennis shoe lane”, store to store, until he got blisters, to find what he thought were the perfect shoes for me.
The shoes pictured above aren’t those spiffy adidas, but actually the lastest pair he bought for me when I visited in January. My mom just shipped them to me from Cali and I decided to wear them all day. Every time anyone commented on them, and trust me, there were a lot of comments, it was like a personal, quiet & lovely reminderof just how lucky I am to be so incredibly loved by my dad. 

12. Walk around all day in your favorite pair of shoes.

My dad has this thing about buying my brother and I running shoes. Even if we don’t really need them, he is always so insistent on getting them anyway. I remember one time when I was still at Berkeley and he asked me what kind of shoes I wanted him to bring back when he visited. Being the crazy and obnoxious girl that I was/am, I told him to get me the loudest, most colorful pair of nike dunks he could find. I was so excited when he arrived, hoping to see some Hong Kong exclusive crazy looking dunks— only to find white plain adidas with silver stripes. Basically, the opposite of coolness.

But what I later learned was that my dad went all the way to Hong Kong, from Shanghai, and walked for hours down “tennis shoe lane”, store to store, until he got blisters, to find what he thought were the perfect shoes for me.

The shoes pictured above aren’t those spiffy adidas, but actually the lastest pair he bought for me when I visited in January. My mom just shipped them to me from Cali and I decided to wear them all day. Every time anyone commented on them, and trust me, there were a lot of comments, it was like a personal, quiet & lovely reminderof just how lucky I am to be so incredibly loved by my dad.